Alpha and omega

Today was "port cath removal day".  On Feb. 20, 2020, almost 1 year to the day that it had been installed.

It is hard to believe it has been a year and oh, what a fun a year it was (that is sarcasm).   

I have heard from other cancer survivors it can be an emotional event and that held true for me.  A significant piece of my cancer journey was on its way out.   The port cath installation signified the beginning of treatments; today's procedure signifies the end.  I do have a maintenance  pill to take daily for several years but the hardest part of that is to not drop it in the sink or floor.

I stated often to family prior to today how the surgeon had to put me under to install the port cath; but, to remove it, I am awake and just laying there in chair.  The thought of being awake totally wigs me out.  I kept envisioning him pulling a slippery worm out of the dirt only the worm was the port & dirt was my skin. 

Needless to say, it wasn't like that at all - not even a slippery slithery noise was heard as it was pulled out.  I was fully numb and really did not feel much other than a little tug.  The procedure took a full 30 minutes.  I learned today the worry I carried the past year about it moving around was all for naught; as now I find out it was stitched into position.   I was vocal about being scared and I kept waiting for that moment "it hurt".  It never happened but then I had my mom holding my hand.  Yes, yes.  I am 46 years old and still need my Mom.   She is a survivor and a pretty tough woman so I knew she could get me through this.  And . . . my Mom gets a kick out of medical procedures.  So to watch one up close and personal was my gift to her.   Not sure the surgeon appreciated how intently she watched but it did assured for a nice stitch up job.  LMAO

Going in, I had intended to take my port cath home with me.  I mean, I did pay for it.  I was going to put it in a jar and maybe break it out at Halloween parties. 

But I didn't.   Just shed a few more tears, I took a deep breath, collected my thoughts and left.

Bye little guy.  Thanks for job you played in saving my life.